Wednesday, March 30, 2011


My WLS was nine months ago today. Had an appointment to see Dr. R. at UCSF and actually made it on time. Shouldn't have bothered. Had to wait for two hours to get in because they were so backed up.
Got close to that numb feeling you only get in doctors' offices, the airport or the DMV. A nurse came and got me and I had to pull myself together to be civil. She turned out to be very kind and encouraging. She normally worked with cancer patients. I guess because of that I told her about seeing my oncologist last week, Dr. S. and how he had nearly walked out of the room, sure he had the wrong chart. He had been the one who started me thinking seriously about WLS.
He had my history on a laptop; unlike UC which still uses paper files, how quaint. We were able to discuss the changes in my blood work and all and what an improvement I'd experienced. Dr. R. bounded in as usual and was pleased with my progress. He checked my wounds, thought I might need reconstructive surgery on my middle, told me to come back in three months after which he would "cut me loose."
It's good to have all three doctors - I've seen my primary, the oncologist and the surgeon in the last month - pleased with me. Now if my dentist would get aboard.
(The Hopi doll is one I bought in Santa Fe years ago. Isn't she beautiful. She's big, 21" tall and all of cloth with leather boots and great jewelry. She's another thing I like. Makes me happy to look at her.)

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Up & Down

Last time I saw the surgeon I had lost 25lbs. in 3 months. Good job! Not this time. I'm bouncing up and down, mostly up. Just a little but still. Kind of discouraging to be back, more or less, to normal. Do I have to DIET? I thought the surgery would mean I didn't have to DIET ever, ever again.


So I'm writing down everything - again. Here's one thing I've noticed: protein is high in calories. So it seems I can easily lose weight - or lose my hair and have my nails split and no energy. Great.

And I should weigh myself every am. I almost do that but almost doesn't cut it in the weight-loss game. F-a-d!!!

Friday, March 25, 2011

Not My Hair

I've never thought I was particularly pretty. Especially as I started to gain weight. But even though my hair usually needed a good cut, it was a good color and I had lots of it. It's been real short and fairly long and sometimes - very, very occasionally, just right.

But about two months ago, it started falling out. This is what happens if you don't eat enough protein. Your nails break easily too. But it was the long clumps in the shower - or my hand after a comb out - that really upset me. So I buckled down on the protein. And tried to be gentle with what I had left. Every time I washed it, I peered down at the drain, scooping up what was lost.

The scoops grew smaller and my nails seemed stronger. Perhaps I was getting enough protein.

Then this past Tuesday morning, I decided my bangs were too long. Sure that meant my hair was still growing but it wasn't until I was using the hair dryer, that I could see about an inch of soft new hair along my hair line. It was like finding a new shoot pushing up in your garden. It really was growing back. The support group had said it would and there it was.

Huzzah. Now if I could get myself in for a trim all around.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Cancer Six Years Out

I saw my oncologist yesterday, after missing 2 appointments with him. The first one I missed because I couldn't find the office. Having neither a phone nor a smart phone - or even the phone number with me, I drove around taking a tour of the hills above Pleasant Hill. Didn't even have a map of the correct area. I finally went home and told them I wasn't going to make it. Felt like an idiot.

Second appointment: got to the office...2 hours late!

Is there something a little Freudian going on here. This after an excellent mammo in Oct and clean bills from all the post-weight-loss-surgery docs I've been seeing. And he's a nice person. The oncologist, I mean, but, frankly who wants to see an oncologist.

Anyway, I finally did. He was so excited about my weight-loss. We had a good talk & he went through my blood work, mammo, our last get-together. Encouraged me to get more exercise.
But he wants me back in six months instead of a year like last time. Well, the good news is I know where the place is and I put the appointment in my book...wait, let me check. No, I did.

Funny, to go back and deal with the big ca. Ok, CA. Considering how I got through it was to deny it - while doing what they told me to do - more or less.

I must remember I've done a good, no, an excellent thing for myself by having the surgery and losing the weight. I told the oncologist I felt I'd gained 10 years back and he agreed.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Other Things on My Mind

One huge thing my weight loss has done is knock me out of my dull acceptance of my life. I just don't want to settle anymore. I didn't settle for being fat and I don't want to settle for being in a life I don't want.

How did I get here? Why did I stay? Why can't I catch a break?

The good news is I slipped down a pound and a little. Did some arm & leg exercises. Is that what made me middle ache all day yesterday?

Now I'm just mad - because of work. Trying to calm my anger and...not eat on it. Drink more water.

Monday, March 14, 2011


I've been more or less on a plateau for a month, gaining half a pound thsn losing it, gaining than losing. Dr. Rogers always asks me how many calories I'm eating. He says it should be 700 or so. My thought is if I wanted to count calories, I'd be on a diet. But as I can eat more things and more food at a meal, I suspect he may be right.

He also said I need to lose all I can while it's easy. Maybe I've gone as far as this is going to go although I don't really think that. Not really.